Struggling to breathe

As I strive for a better life, breathing can be tough. One of the ways I have tried to improve my health is to focus on getting in better shape. Every week I am usually swimming between 3-4 days a week and hitting the gym 1-2 days a week. Swimming is not always easy. One of the ways I improve in swimming is limiting my breathing. There is a t-shirt that says, “Swimming the only sport where your coach yells at you for breathing.” I completely understand this t-shirt. Learning how minimize breathing is part of really good training. Even while getting better shape and feeling better about my health, I still am struggling to breathe.

Over the past year, bitterness and anger slowly entered my life like it never has before. During this time I dealt with so called church leaders who wouldn’t even act like I was there. Every Sunday and through the work week I would see these people and if I didn’t start a conversation with them, they wouldn’t talk to me. I tested this scenario out. These couple of church leaders, I would purposely not talk to them and see if they would start a conversation with me. Six straight weeks went by when I would see these people throughout the church, they would see me, but say nothing. Once they even went as far to talk and have a conversation with the person directly behind me for a several minutes. They never acknowledge me.

After six straight weeks (Not kidding), I finally said this is ridiculous. Finally I started to talk to these people again. I conversed with them, but I notice they never responded. They would answer me, but it was a one-way conversation. I asked how they were doing, prayed for them and tried to show love. They would never talk back to me. They never asked about me. During this time twice my kids were in the ER/hospital. Once my daughter was in the hospital for several days. It was a scary and tough time. I had other ministers, church leaders and friends in town that came and visited my family, none came from my own church I served at (Other then Mark Willham, one of the most amazing men I have ever known and Kris who was awesome).

Finally the day we were leaving, the minister at my church visited my daughter. I was so thrown off by this. The previous year, my son broke out and was red all over. He ended up staying in the hospital as they weren’t sure what it was. My senior minister said I hope he is alright but I am not coming up there because I don’t want to get sick. Later that day another person from our church posted on Facebook being so thankful that the minister of the church came up to the hospital to visit them when they were so sick. It was the same hospital we were at. The senior minister was willing to get sick from a church member in the hospital, but wouldn’t check on a staff members family. Bitterness, anger and hatred crept in more and more.

I thought I was over this, I am in a better place and started to enjoy life more, I was wrong. There was a fundraiser dinner Hailee and I attended last week. Several of these church leaders were at this same dinner. That same bitterness/anger/hatred I thought was gone showed it’s head again. I couldn’t stand even seeing these people. Some came up to talk to my wife, and I couldn’t even stand looking at them, I had to walk away. I am still broken. As I struggle God shows me this…

Ephesians 4:2-3…

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make ever effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”

I have to admit, I have failed at this. I am broken and have struggled with this. I thought I was over it, but now see I still am a work in progress. I can’t fix others, but I can work on me.

Today, I am going to start working on this and keeping this verse at the center of my mind. None of us are perfect and I need to focus on being humble and gentle. Keeping peace is my goal today, how about you?

Laying in a hospital bed over winter break

Laid up in a hospital bed is not how I like to start my winter break. Several years ago, this was the case, stomach pains sent me to be admitted. I shared a room with someone I have never seen before. His name doesn’t ring a bell, but he is a guy I will never forget. Having intense stomach pains I was admitted to the hospital where I found out I had a roommate, over the next couple of days I got to know him better.

He was a guy from the Lansing area I would have never run across. There was something that was off about him but I could never figure out what was wrong with him. He was a nice guy, had a great personality, he cracked me up and seemed to be loved by his visitors. I found out this guy got wrapped into stuff he shouldn’t have been in. Now he was living in a tent behind a store in the Michigan winter.

This is what put him in the hospital. He didn’t notice it at the time but from living out of a tent in the middle of the winter he ended up with some form of frostbite and lost a couple of his toes. Now he sat here in the hospital waiting on what they were going to do. The doctor came in and told him all his toes would be removed from his foot they would be replace with synthetic (I vaguely remember). They were doing other things to help with the infection and improve that.

This guy had a great attitude and desire for life, with his remaining toes on his right foot he would often say, “Hey look, the peace symbol!” He cracked me up. Soon it wasn’t as funny.

He didn’t have insurance and would be sent away. What was going to be a couple of days of procedures and recovery was changed to some antibiotics and a boot out the door. For the life of me I could figure out why this guy couldn’t get insurance at all. It ends up he was heavily into drugs and even his visitors were family that tried to help him out from time to time but he never improved. The help he needed wasn’t from medical hospital but from a rehab place.

This guy’s life was wrecked because of drugs and his ability not to get help. What’s different between us and him? Not much. We are in the same boat, we are sinners and full of mistakes. Yet God gives us another chance, Romans 3:23-24…

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”

This guy fell short of the glory of God and so do we. We are not mistakes but we make a ton of mistakes. God values each and every life and values your life so much. God loves you and you are free because Jesus gave us grace. Through all our sins Jesus washed them all away. Laying in the hospital bed next to my roommate, we came from different paths, had different struggles and yet we were in the hospital both seeking help.

We all need help from time to time. Whether it’s our marriages, our family, our friends, a physical problem or a bad habit like drugs or alcohol, help can be there for us. Don’t be afraid to seek help with issues going on in your life. If you had a broken leg, you go to a doctor, if something was wrong with your head mentality, you would go to a doctor too.

We serve a God that is loving and just. He wants us to be able to conquer those issues going on in our lives. I think about my former roommate from time to time and pray that he was able to get the help needed and kick the bad habit. God is love and is forgiving to those who seek forgiveness. If you need help, please seek someone to help you.

Have a great day.