Struggling to breathe

As I strive for a better life, breathing can be tough. One of the ways I have tried to improve my health is to focus on getting in better shape. Every week I am usually swimming between 3-4 days a week and hitting the gym 1-2 days a week. Swimming is not always easy. One of the ways I improve in swimming is limiting my breathing. There is a t-shirt that says, “Swimming the only sport where your coach yells at you for breathing.” I completely understand this t-shirt. Learning how minimize breathing is part of really good training. Even while getting better shape and feeling better about my health, I still am struggling to breathe.

Over the past year, bitterness and anger slowly entered my life like it never has before. During this time I dealt with so called church leaders who wouldn’t even act like I was there. Every Sunday and through the work week I would see these people and if I didn’t start a conversation with them, they wouldn’t talk to me. I tested this scenario out. These couple of church leaders, I would purposely not talk to them and see if they would start a conversation with me. Six straight weeks went by when I would see these people throughout the church, they would see me, but say nothing. Once they even went as far to talk and have a conversation with the person directly behind me for a several minutes. They never acknowledge me.

After six straight weeks (Not kidding), I finally said this is ridiculous. Finally I started to talk to these people again. I conversed with them, but I notice they never responded. They would answer me, but it was a one-way conversation. I asked how they were doing, prayed for them and tried to show love. They would never talk back to me. They never asked about me. During this time twice my kids were in the ER/hospital. Once my daughter was in the hospital for several days. It was a scary and tough time. I had other ministers, church leaders and friends in town that came and visited my family, none came from my own church I served at (Other then Mark Willham, one of the most amazing men I have ever known and Kris who was awesome).

Finally the day we were leaving, the minister at my church visited my daughter. I was so thrown off by this. The previous year, my son broke out and was red all over. He ended up staying in the hospital as they weren’t sure what it was. My senior minister said I hope he is alright but I am not coming up there because I don’t want to get sick. Later that day another person from our church posted on Facebook being so thankful that the minister of the church came up to the hospital to visit them when they were so sick. It was the same hospital we were at. The senior minister was willing to get sick from a church member in the hospital, but wouldn’t check on a staff members family. Bitterness, anger and hatred crept in more and more.

I thought I was over this, I am in a better place and started to enjoy life more, I was wrong. There was a fundraiser dinner Hailee and I attended last week. Several of these church leaders were at this same dinner. That same bitterness/anger/hatred I thought was gone showed it’s head again. I couldn’t stand even seeing these people. Some came up to talk to my wife, and I couldn’t even stand looking at them, I had to walk away. I am still broken. As I struggle God shows me this…

Ephesians 4:2-3…

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make ever effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”

I have to admit, I have failed at this. I am broken and have struggled with this. I thought I was over it, but now see I still am a work in progress. I can’t fix others, but I can work on me.

Today, I am going to start working on this and keeping this verse at the center of my mind. None of us are perfect and I need to focus on being humble and gentle. Keeping peace is my goal today, how about you?

FU

Forgive you.

I have seen this video several times, I love it and have shared this video. Christians are supposed to be known for forgiveness and grace. Sometimes we are the furthest things from it. We want people to forgive us for the wrong we have done but don’t give the same gratitude. Honestly, we screwed this up.

Paul shares a story about this in 2 Corinthians 2:5-11. In this story it talks about a guy and how he shamed all these people. These people sent him away and he was an outcast. We aren’t sure what exactly this guy did but he was sent away. Paul is telling the church it’s time to give him a second chance.

2 Corinthians 2:7-8…”Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.”

People deserve another chance. This isn’t a free opportunity to do something stupid and expect forgiveness, but when someone is in the wrong. They admit it and apologize, we can forgive them. When we as a Christian or as a Church don’t have a forgiving heart we are told in what happens in verses 10-11… “Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven – if there was anything to forgive – I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.”

I have seen where people have forgotten how to forgive. They grow more cold through the years. Their hearts and attitudes become calloused. When we forgive and accept someone back after forgiving there is a weight lifted off our back. We don’t have to carry that hatred and bitterness that can overcome us. Satan loves that aspect when good people become full of hate and resentful. Sometimes people live years of their lives like this. Imagine if we changed as people, we allowed those burdens to go away. Life can change and sometimes it’s up to us to relieve our selves of those burdens.

If your still feeling bitterness, remember FU.

Have a great day.