That wasn’t a
joke this guy is serious. For the first time in a long time I was speechless.
Several years ago I was riding in a car with a church leader as the subject
switched to money and marriage. He went on to tell me him and his wife have an
understanding with money. He is the head of the household, so he will do with
it what he wants.
I thought he was
joking. He then went on to explain if he decided to go golfing and it was
between an average course that costs $40 for 18 holes and a cart or a nicer
course that costs a lot more money he was going to take the one that costs more
money. He said clear as day, “I make the money in our house, so I will do with
it what I want. If I want to go golf at an expensive course I will.” The first
10 seconds, I was smiling and thought he was joking. I thought he was going to
follow this up with a joke about making sure a sandwich was ready for him when
he got home. After looking at his facial expressions and waiting another 10
seconds, I realized he was not joking and was dead serious. It was an awkward
drive after that.
This goes back
to one of the most misunderstood scriptures I deal with in premarital
counseling that comes from the section Instructions for Christian Households
Ephesians 5:21-6:9. The main scripture people use is 5:22, “Wives submit
yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.”
It’s comical in
a bad way how people can mess up this section. Verse 21, “Submit to one another
out of reverence for Christ.” People miss the verse before this completely.
Then if you look at the amount of verses. Paul gave women three verses to
follow 22-24. Yet he gave men 25-33. Women you have three instructions and men,
you need nine. I heard a sermon where the pastor said, women get this, they
only need three verses, but men, we are a little thickheaded and Paul had to
explain this out in further detail.
When talking
about the husband as head of the household, The
Bible Knowledge Commentary
stated, “The reason for this submission is that the husband is the head of the wife (cf. 1 Cor. 11:3), and this is
compared to Christ’s headship over the church (Eph. 5:23; cf. 4:15; Col. 1:18).
As Christ is the Savior of the church, His body, so a husband
should be the protector of his wife, who is “one flesh” with him (Gen. 2:24). As the church is in submission to Christ, so also a wife should be to her husband. It would be
foolish to think of the church being head over Christ. But submission does not
mean inferiority. It means that she recognizes that her husband is the head of
the home and responds to him accordingly without usurping his authority to
herself.[1]
I personally
believe that men are supposed to be the leaders in the home. A leader is not a dictator;
it’s trying to know what’s best for the family. This can be a tough slippery
slope as I have heard numerous stories of men abusing this. I have seen
multiple marriages in trouble, the wife wanted and desperately needed the
husband to go to marriage counseling only to be ignored. I have seen marriages
in financial problems when the wife wanted to do a financial program like Dave
Ramsey’s FPU program and the husband said, “We don’t need that.” One of the
best ways I have heard this coming from a wife was, “Yes my husband is the head
but I am the neck and I can turn the head anyway I please.”
Men need to stand up and do what’s right. In
verse 25, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave
himself up for her.” The word love in this section goes back to the Greek word
agape or agapao. This is described as seeking the highest good for another
person. This is what Jesus did for us when he died on the cross for our sins.
He fully gave himself up for us. This is what Christ asks us to do in verse 21,
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Christ fully gave himself
up for us and we are called to do the same in marriage.
“A wife’s submission in no way hints that
a husband may lord it over his spouse, as a despot commanding a slave. The
“submit-love” relationship is a beautiful mixture of harmonious partnership in
marriage.” – Bible Knowledge Commentary
If you are
married, what is a way you can show love towards your spouse today? If it has
been rocky lately, what can you do to help your spouse out and show them love
in action today?
Have a great
day.
[1] Harold
W. Hoehner, “Ephesians,” in The Bible
Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F. Walvoord
and R. B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 640–641.
