The only way life could get better is if my wife made me a sandwich whenever I asked

Wives submit to your husbands. This phrase can tick people off. Why should I have to submit? Why is this in the Bible? Why would God be against women? Why does man have this much authority over women? The questions over this simple verse can go on and on. Let me try to shed some light on this subject.

This is from Colossians 3:18 but I will go over 19 too, “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord…Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”

This is what the Message translation says in verse 18-19, “Wives, understand and support your husbands by submitting to them in ways that honor the Master. Husbands, go all out in love for your wives, Don’t take advantage of them.”

It’s easy to look at scripture and manipulate scripture to say what you want it too. This is what Norman Geisler said in the Bible Knowledge Commentary about this scripture:

            “Wives are to submit to their husbands as their heads. This command was not limited to Paul’s day, as is obvious from two reasons he gave elsewhere: (1) the order of Creation (man was created first, then woman; 1 Tim. 2:13); (2) the order  within the Godhead (Christ submits to the Father; 1 Cor. 11:3). Submission or subordination does not mean inferiority; it simply means that the husband, not the wife, is head of the home. If he may be thought of as the “president,” she is           the “vice-president.”^[1] Of course there are moral limits to this submission; it is only as is fitting in the Lord. Just as obedience to government is commanded (Rom.13:1; Titus 3:1; 1 Peter 2:13) but only insofar as government takes its place under God (Ex. 1; Dan. 3; 6), even so a wife’s submission to her husband is only “in the Lord.” That is, she is not obligated to follow her husband’s leadership if it conflicts with specific scriptural commands.^[2]

It has to follow scriptural commands. This doesn’t mean if I want a sandwich, Hailee better make it for me without any grief. I think the verse 19 is just as important, Geisler said:

            “Husbands are responsible to love their wives (as Christ loved the church; Eph. 5:28–29). So they are to exercise loving leadership, not dictatorial dominion. Perhaps husbands need this reminder to be tender and loving as much or more than wives need the reminder not to usurp authority over their husbands. Assuming absolute authority will only embitter one’s wife, not endear her. The words be harsh translate pikrainesthe, which is more literally, “make bitter.” (A     different word is used in Col. 3:21; see comments there.) Wives, like tender and sensitive flowers (cf. 1 Peter 3:7), may wilt under authoritarian dominance but blossom with tender loving care. So in a maturing marriage the husband exercises compassionate care and his wife responds in willing submission to this loving leadership.^[3]

I love the phrase happy wife, happy life. If we aren’t trying to make our spouses happy, how do we expect to be happy? Marriage is about sacrifice, looking for each other’s best interest instead of our own. Yes, husbands are called to lead, but lead like Christ leads the church. Having the greatest love and ability to sacrifice himself for the Church. We are supposed to do that for our spouse.

Everyday I grow more in love with my wife. She has been really amazing to me through the years and even more over the past couple of weeks. I really don’t know where I would be without her.

If we claim to be Christian, our life is supposed to be honoring God. This needs to happen in marriage too. What are you doing to honor God in your marriage? What are you doing to show love for your spouse?

Have a great day.

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^[1] Norman L. Geisler, “Colossians,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 683.

^[2] Norman L. Geisler, “Colossians,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 683.

^[3] Norman L. Geisler, “Colossians,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 683.

I make the money so I will do with it what I want

That wasn’t a joke this guy is serious. For the first time in a long time I was speechless. Several years ago I was riding in a car with a church leader as the subject switched to money and marriage. He went on to tell me him and his wife have an understanding with money. He is the head of the household, so he will do with it what he wants.

I thought he was joking. He then went on to explain if he decided to go golfing and it was between an average course that costs $40 for 18 holes and a cart or a nicer course that costs a lot more money he was going to take the one that costs more money. He said clear as day, “I make the money in our house, so I will do with it what I want. If I want to go golf at an expensive course I will.” The first 10 seconds, I was smiling and thought he was joking. I thought he was going to follow this up with a joke about making sure a sandwich was ready for him when he got home. After looking at his facial expressions and waiting another 10 seconds, I realized he was not joking and was dead serious. It was an awkward drive after that.

This goes back to one of the most misunderstood scriptures I deal with in premarital counseling that comes from the section Instructions for Christian Households Ephesians 5:21-6:9. The main scripture people use is 5:22, “Wives submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.”

It’s comical in a bad way how people can mess up this section. Verse 21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” People miss the verse before this completely. Then if you look at the amount of verses. Paul gave women three verses to follow 22-24. Yet he gave men 25-33. Women you have three instructions and men, you need nine. I heard a sermon where the pastor said, women get this, they only need three verses, but men, we are a little thickheaded and Paul had to explain this out in further detail.

When talking about the husband as head of the household, The Bible Knowledge Commentary stated, “The reason for this submission is that the husband is the head of the wife (cf. 1 Cor. 11:3), and this is compared to Christ’s headship over the church (Eph. 5:23; cf. 4:15; Col. 1:18). As Christ is the Savior of the church, His body, so a husband should be the protector of his wife, who is “one flesh” with him (Gen. 2:24). As the church is in submission to Christ, so also a wife should be to her husband. It would be foolish to think of the church being head over Christ. But submission does not mean inferiority. It means that she recognizes that her husband is the head of the home and responds to him accordingly without usurping his authority to herself.^[1]

I personally believe that men are supposed to be the leaders in the home. A leader is not a dictator; it’s trying to know what’s best for the family. This can be a tough slippery slope as I have heard numerous stories of men abusing this. I have seen multiple marriages in trouble, the wife wanted and desperately needed the husband to go to marriage counseling only to be ignored. I have seen marriages in financial problems when the wife wanted to do a financial program like Dave Ramsey’s FPU program and the husband said, “We don’t need that.” One of the best ways I have heard this coming from a wife was, “Yes my husband is the head but I am the neck and I can turn the head anyway I please.”

 Men need to stand up and do what’s right. In verse 25, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” The word love in this section goes back to the Greek word agape or agapao. This is described as seeking the highest good for another person. This is what Jesus did for us when he died on the cross for our sins. He fully gave himself up for us. This is what Christ asks us to do in verse 21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Christ fully gave himself up for us and we are called to do the same in marriage.

“A wife’s submission in no way hints that a husband may lord it over his spouse, as a despot commanding a slave. The “submit-love” relationship is a beautiful mixture of harmonious partnership in marriage.” – Bible Knowledge Commentary

If you are married, what is a way you can show love towards your spouse today? If it has been rocky lately, what can you do to help your spouse out and show them love in action today?

Have a great day.

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^[1] Harold W. Hoehner, “Ephesians,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 640–641.

Should Christians Marry Non-Christians?

2 Corinthians 6:14 starts out with, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?” This is a different subject to look at. Often I have this question asked of me when it comes to marriage. This section of scripture in 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1 goes so much more then just marriage, but it’s a tough question that I have had to look into with some couples I have talked to about marriage.

Years ago there was an article and lawsuit that dealt with this subject. There was a couple that was deeply in love and wanted to get married. The wife was Jewish and the husband was Catholic. The husband being so in love said, hey it’s the same God and he rarely went to church anyway so he converted. They got married and had a baby before the marriage hit the rocks. Soon divorce was inevitable.

As they were going through the divorce the husband started to go back to the Catholic Church. Soon pictures showed up with his child being baptized. The wife was ticked. She filed a lawsuit against him and tried to get him from being able from seeing his child because he promised to raise their child Jewish. What a mess and confusing situation. I never did find out the results of this story, but it happens from time to time. When two people don’t see things the same way, problems can happen. Now this scripture goes beyond a marriage.

This scripture goes into life with false apostles. There were people that were distracting Christians from serving and praising Jesus. Paul NEVER mentions that Christians shouldn’t associate with unbelievers. Christians interacting with people is an everyday aspect of life. What Paul brings up is if a person associates a lot with an unbeliever, it might mess with their devotion to Christ.

In this section Paul asked self-reflection questions about this in verses 14-16. This is to show there are some major differences that need to be address and looked upon. Paul end this section of scripture with talking about getting us to purify ourselves from contamination and trying to be holy out of respect to God and what he did through Jesus.

So when we look at the beginning question about marriage, there are some problems when looking at this subject. I prayed with some older ladies who are some of the most dedicated Christians I have ever met and there spouse won’t step foot in the Church. I have seen these ladies in tears and crying knowing at any moment one of them could pass away and they are not sure if the spouse will be in heaven. It’s tough and I don’t have an answer for that other then prayer.

In pre-martial counseling we look at this subject. We talk about how we want our kids to be raised and if problems could come up in this area. Would they have a problem if their kids were raised different then how they were? Communication must be key.

Just because someone is an unbeliever doesn’t mean they are an awful person. I have seen Non-Christian parents be loving, caring, great people and some of the best parents I have ever seen. I have seen marriages where the couple have been together like this and have great marriages. Some are the best marriage examples I have seen are from a couple like this.

Eternal life is the problem. If one of the people in the marriage is not Christian, they won’t both be in heaven. This is scary to me. To know people I love with all my heart might not be in heaven. I would hate to see that happen to a loving couple and I pray that people know Christ so they won’t have to deal with the problem that ensues. Each of us will have to face judgment one day and it’s going to be whether we accept Christ or not. I would hate for amazing couple to be separated for eternity.

Have a great day.

Grace from the wife is always nice

It was her birthday and she let me and our friend Jason hang out and watch seven hours of the Masters.

It was an epic competition with a great ending.

So nice of my wife to allow that to happen.

It was really amazing the fact that you watch everything instantly.

The pros and the cons.

You know the good and bad .

You witness the action and the results.

Phil Mickelson had an awful hole and ended up with a 6 on a par 3 that killed his chances.

He still fought back but it wasn’t enough.

Words are nothing without action.

There was a eunuch who heard one of the disciples talking about this scripture…

“Like a sheep he was led to the slaughter

and like a lamb before its shearer is silent,
so he opens not his mouth.
In his humiliation justice was denied him.
Who can describe his generation?
For his life is taken away from the earth.”  (Isaiah 53:7-8)

The scripture was talking about Jesus and explaining who he was and what he was doing.

He mentioned how Jesus died for our sins and how he is the Savior.

After hearing this phrase, the eunuch story went like this in Acts 8:36-38…

“And as they were going along the road they came to some water, and the eunuch said, “See, here is water! What prevents me from being baptized?” And he commanded the chariot to stop, and they both went down into the water, Philip and the eunuch, and he baptized him.”

Words can be nothing without action.

Phillip told him about Jesus and the man responded.

What do you need to stop talking about and start doing.

We (including myself) can live with the idea of talking about doing something rather than actually going through with it.

Take action in life.

If you never made a decision to follow Christ, today is a great day.

If you want to lose weight or eat healthier, start doing it.

The eunuch realized the message was nothing without action.

Quit talking about stuff and  start doing something about it.

Have a great day.

A perfect relationship

I see glory.

I see it when I wake up in the morning as I get to wake up next to my smoking hot wife.

I see it when I go to wake my daughter up in the morning.

I see it when my kids run up to me and yell daddy!

Such joy I thank God for everyday.

I can honestly say none of this is possible without Christ being in my life.

Some of you might role your eyes at this, but it is completely true.

Hailee and I said from the moment we got together, said Christ would come first and our relationship would come second.

We are not perfect and at times live for selfish reasons, but our goal is to be more like Christ everyday.

This deals with our relationship with others and our relationship with each other.

Marriage is not easy, it’s a challenge and it’s not always a happily ever after story.

Hailee and I have had to work through some issues we have had in the past, shoot, we even met with a counselor for a session or two.

No relationship is perfect.

Every relationship needs improvement from both partners.

It’s the same with faith.

Listen to what Jesus tells his believers in John 17:20-21…

“My prayer is not for them alone.  I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, father just as you are in me and I am in you.  May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.”

This is following up scripture in which Jesus prayers for his disciples and ends a chapter in John which is the longest recorded prayer of Jesus.

Jesus was sent so that people might believe in God.

Without Jesus I wouldn’t have a lot.

I was angry, depressed, struggled with being who I was meant to be as a person before Christ.

Without the love given by Jesus I would not have the ability to forgive those people that have hurt me.

I am far from perfect, but Jesus came down and died for me.

He did the same for you.

The reason I am able to see glory everyday is because of Christ.

Without his love and model of forgiveness there is no way Hailee and I would be married or have three amazing kids maybe a fourth someday ;) (Hailee will get a kick out of that).

Jesus wants to show his love and forgiveness to the world, to give us eternal life.

That is the greatest glory we could ever have….

Even greater then a Lions Super Bowl.

Have a great day.