Withholding sex in marriage

Break up over video games is funny and true. I had a friend that was dating this girl. He had a long day at work and was ready to head home and play some video games. His girlfriend called and asked if he wanted to hang out. He told her, I had a long day at work and I’m ready to chill and play some video games. She said ok, well I will just come over and watch you play video games, he didn’t understand but said ok. She came over, he was hanging out and playing video games, after about 15 minutes she got angry and asked if he was going to spend anytime with her. He replied I had a long day, I want to relax and play video games and you knew that coming over. She got more mad and said, “I am not dealing with this, its me or the video games.” He replied, “Seeya.” He broke up with a girlfriend over video games.

It might not always be a good thing to be in a relationship. Paul shares in a long section on Marriage in 1 Corinthians 7 about whether it’s good to marry or not and what sex is in a marriage. This goes on for 40 verses but this is the first couple of verses…

Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Sex is meant for a man and wife in marriage. Outside of that can be a major problem. Now God does show grace and mercy and almost all of us including myself have made mistakes in this regard. I am a firm believer that the best sex you will ever have will take place between a husband and wife in marriage. You learn what each other like and God blesses sex when it’s done in the right way in a marriage. It states about not trying to hold sex from the other spouse. The goal of a marriage is to be responsible to satisfy each other’s desires.

Verse 5 shares that couple were trying to maintain celibacy in marriage, WHAT???? Couples were refraining from sex because one of the people did not want to have sex. It was not agreed that they would be holding out on sex. This lead to cheating on the part of the other mate. Paul gave them only three ways withholding sex was ok according to the Bible Knowledge Commentary. 1. It was a mutual consent from husband and wife. 2. They would agree on a time when normal intercourse would occur. 3. They were able to devote themselves to prayer in a deep way. Outside of this is a sin.

Marriage is about meeting each other’s desires it involves much more then sex, but sex is included. If you are married, are you doing everything necessary to please your spouse? This isn’t about what they are or aren’t doing. What do you need to do to improve your marriage and make it better? If you are single please read through this scripture. There are plenty of benefits to remaining single. Maybe video games mean more to you then a relationship.

Have a great day.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years…then we met

A funny line about marriage from the great Rodney Dangerfield. Marriage is full of amazing times and amazingly bad times too. There isn’t a perfect marriage just like there isn’t a perfect human (Other than Jesus). So how do we fall into false ideas about marriage?

 

Hailee and I have had many good times in marriage and had times we needed help. Marriage isn’t about being perfect, there will always be mistakes. One of the saddest states of marriage is when a couple or spouse isn’t willing to go to counseling or listen to what a counselor says. I have heard this many times. We can handle the issues on our own or the problem is with them rather than me. I can honestly say Hailee and I went to counseling in the first year of our marriage and it was my fault. I had to own up to things I was not doing right in our marriage and admit to that. Without admitting I needed counseling, things would not have gotten any better. Even the best marriages I know could use help from time to time.

 

Paul shared a quote about marriage when talking about the law God created and the authority he has over man. Romans 7:2-3…

“For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.”

 

Going back in the Old Testament, you were married and one of the acts of showing you were married was the act of sex. When two become one can be justified as sex, while we aren’t given a clean straight Bible verse on what made a marriage, sex was part of the consummation.

Imagine for those who have had multiple partners you could be considered married to your first love and cheat on him/her with everyone else. Weird enough for you? Paul talks about a women whose husband is not dead (The phrase till death do you part comes to mind) and she marries/have sex with another man, it’s an affair. Only if her husband dies is it legal to marry again. People have taken marriage in a different way.

 

God gave us marriage, not arrogance. Marriage is full of mistakes because of us. We have done things before we are married, while we are married or maybe in our second marriages and beyond that are wrong. I have seen people get divorced over not being happy anymore (No fairy tale marriage exists) and almost every reason in between. If you think once we are married my spouse will change, most likely not. More likely is the fact your spouse will let their guard down and be a little worse. Yet there is beauty in marriage.

 

I thank God for my wife everyday. She is wonderful, she looks beautiful, puts up with all of my faults (There are many) and encourages me when I feel down. I thank God for giving me Hailee in marriage. A great marriage can make you do amazing things you never thought of yourself as doing (One of the many, I never thought I would get a Master’s degree). A bad marriage can make you miserable.

 

What do you want in life to be happy or miserable? When Paul mentions about marriage in the verse about, I would imagine some people being in marriages they weren’t happy in and hopeful that there spouse might die or they were looking forward to ending things with them. Is marriage worth fighting for? I believe so, but do you? Do you think is marriage is worth putting your own selfish desires aside for better ones?

 

If you are in a relationship or a marriage and it’s not going well get help. If you have a broken leg you go to the doctors. If you have a broken marriage do the same. Get help, a great marriage can fulfill your greatest desires as humans. Is that something you want? If you are married what is something you could do for your spouse today to help your relationship out? If your relationship is not going well, don’t be stubborn like a donkey, get help.

 

Have a great day.